Et af de mest udfordrende dele af dødsfald til de efterladte kan vide, hvordan man trøste den sørgende.

Det kan være ganske et minefelt, trådte forsigtigt for ikke at fornærme eller såre. Og nogle gange er du bare ikke hvad jeg skal sige.

Jeg havde til at ske mere end én gang. Her er hvad der skete én gang. . .

Når en af ​​mine patienter døde uventet år siden, jeg gik til visning.

Han var et særligt behov mand, hvis mor adopterede ham, da han var barn. Han var en slags blid mand, og hans mor var meget stolt af alt, hvad han gjorde.

Jeg vidste virkelig ikke hvad jeg skal sige, bortset fra at udtrykke min sorg og sorg over tabet af hende. Og hvis det var hensigtsmæssigt at udtrykke, hvor dybt jeg ville savne ham.

Hans gamle mor fast greb om min hånd og klyngede sig til mig. Da det viste sig, gjorde hun alle taler.

Og jeg bare holdt hendes hånd, mens hun talte.

Sommetider ord er ikke nødvendigt. Der er meget, der kan formidles af din tone i stemmen, dine øjne, lytte, eller bare være der.

Så hvordan kan du trøste den sørgende ud over, hvad at sige i en sympati-kort?

Her er nogle forslag. . .

♥ Først gør ingen skade. Dette er den første regel af medicin, og en god en, når du kontakter en person, der er sorg.

De efterladte er i smerte. Og du ikke ønsker at tilføje til det.

Lad dem føre dig i hvad jeg skal sige.

Hvordan? Tja en måde er at undgå at spørge om døden, hvilket kan få dem til at genopleve deres smerte. I stedet tilbyde at være til rådighed til at lytte, når de ønsker at tale.

Hvis du ikke ved hvad jeg skal sige, er du ikke alene. Bare sige. Eller at du er ked af at høre om deres tab og er målløs.

Folk forstår ikke at vide hvad jeg skal sige. Det er meget lettere for ikke at sige noget end at forsøge at tage tilbage de forkerte ord. . . Eller ord, der kan misforstås.

♥ Spørg før at bringe mad. Med mange mennesker på særlige diæter, er det svært at vide, hvad de kan spise.

And while offering comfort food is meant well, many times appetites are touchy during stressful times like grief .

Instead of bringing food automatically, you could ask if they need any. Possibly something might be needed if there's a large family coming.

Or consider a gift card to their favorite restaurant . Including a takeout menu can be a thoughtful gesture.

♥ Offer to help with something you know how to do.

While helping navigate the maze of forms and bills can be a blessing, it depends upon how close you are to the bereaved, and how private they are. Not everyone will accept help with finances.

But maybe you can make sure they are getting the help they need . A surviving spouse may need help dealing with bills and other paperwork.

There are likely phone calls to be made to inform insurance companies and other businesses of the death.

Does the grass need mowed or the driveway shoveled? Sometimes when one spouse has taken care of these things the remaining is at a loss of what to do.

Or maybe it’s laundry . . .grocery shopping . . .or housework.

♥ Does the bereaved need transportation? A surviving spouse may not want to drive immediately after a death. Or may not be physically able to drive.

Or may just want company while running errands .

♥ Is there someone to answer the phone or make calls? Can you offer?

♥ Before sending flowers or other gifts, consider the family's culture and religion.
What's appropriate in one setting may not be in another.

You may need to ask or search online for what's appropriate. Often the funeral home will know what type of service the family is having.

Here's a link for some religious traditions for grieving.

How about a more lasting gift instead of flowers? A donation to the deceased's favorite charity can be a lasting memorial.

♥ Share a happy memory of the departed. Writing a note and sharing how he helped you in a particular situation is a lovely gift. It can be cherished and reread by the bereaved .

♥ After the funeral, stay in touch. While everyone reacts to grief differently, no one wants to feel abandoned.

Continuing phone calls or notes can be a blessing to someone who is grieving.

Asking them to join you for coffee . . .lunch . . .or a movie can remind them you still care for them.

♥ Don't let them down. If you promise something . . . do it . Write it down on your calendar and keep your commitments.

Do you know . . .?

In a study from the 1960s the death of a spouse ranked as the highest lifetime stress.

That study did not look at the death of a child, which many experts feel is as high or greater a stress.

Are you wondering how to help someone with a loss feel special?

Try the tips above for inspiration.

How about taking the “I Am a Gift to the World Challenge” with someone who has a loss?

You both might be inspired. And the lives you change might just be your friend's — and yours!

May you have a safe caregiving journey . . .good health . . .and happiness,

Dr. Ina

Caregiving With Purpose

Disclaimer :

The information on this website is for educational purposes only. It does not replace information or recommendations from your own physician or other health care provider. This site does not advocate medical or other health-related self-care, and encourages you to obtain advice from your own personal physician or other health care provider.

This web site is not intended to replace medical, financial, legal, or any other professional advice. Please use your own good judgment and consult with your own professionals before applying any ideas found within this website.

Disclosure :

I may have a marketing connection to a brand, topic or product listed on this website. Through the use of affiliate links contained herein, I may collect fees from purchases made.

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Writing sympathy cards can be difficult.

Hvorfor? Well often you may also be in shock from an unexpected death . It's hard to think when you're grieving too.

Plus it's difficult dealing with people in pain and fresh grief.

And sometimes you just don't know what to say in a sympathy card .

Let me share with you some of my experiences . . .

I remember several sympathy cards that stood out.

Some were touching and memorable. A shared memory or two.

Two of them were written by folks who credited my parents with making a difference in their lives — and the writers graciously shared brief explanations of how.

My parents would have minimized their roles. Still I think they'd be pleased that their help is still appreciated decades later.

One of the most touching messages wasn't in a card . . .

Instead, it came months later in an email. And filled in some information about one of my parents as a young adult, uplifting my spirit.

Information my sisters and I never knew.

Priceless.

On the other hand, some cards were — well — not personal or memorable .

How do you know what to say in a sympathy card?

Yes there are some challenges in expressing your sympathy . . .starting with just what to say in a sympathy card.

But that shouldn't stop you!

Remembering the ones left behind can be an invaluable gift from you. Maybe it's part of your journey or mission.

So how do you figure out what to say in a sympathy card?

Frankly there's no one answer. Here are some tips to get you started . . .

1) Send a real card.

Not an e-card, which is impersonal and may get sent to a spam filter. And not a computer page with a computer-generated signature.

If you're good at crafts, you can make a card yourself.

And certainly if you have the right software, a computer generated card printed on card stock can be lovely.

Be sure to sign it rather than having a computer printed signature.

2) Make it personal.

Write a brief line or note in your own handwriting. If you have a happy memory to share about how the deceased made a difference in your life that is a nice added touch.

This isn't the best time to share a funny story. However, depending upon the situation you could offer to share a smile or tears about the deceased when the bereaved are ready.

Just taking the time to personally express your sympathy is a lot.

3) Don't add to the pain of loss.

The loved ones are grieving.

And likely feeling pain in their hearts. Maybe pain for what they've lost . . .what they didn't do, or . . .even what might have been but cannot ever be now. This is not the time for flip answers, or to remind the family of anything unpleasant.

Don't dwell on the circumstances of death or give advice. Just express your sorrow at their loss.

Don't know what to say?

How about starting with something like. . .

My deepest sympathies in the loss of your ____.

My heart hurts for you in your time of loss.

Our thoughts are with you at this time.

4) Offer to help if you can.

Adding a simple line along the lines of “Call me if I can be of help” or “I'm here if you need to talk” are often very welcome.

It shows how much you care for the survivors. Even if they never take you up on it, it's often comforting to know how much friends and family care.

5) You're thinking and/or praying for them, so tell them.

Some people find this one tricky. Afraid of offending if they offer prayers . . .and afraid of offending if they don't.

Sounds like a no-win situation, doesn't it?

It really depends upon the family and you. If they know you're a pray-er, likely they'll accept your sincere statement of prayer. You may be more comfortable acknowledging in writing your thoughts are with them.

How can you express this? You could start with one of these . . .

You and your family are in my thoughts.

You're in our thoughts.

We're thinking of you in your time of loss.

And if you feel comfortable expressing you're praying . . .

You and your family are in my prayers.

You're in our thoughts and prayers.

We're thinking and praying for you in your time of loss.

6) Close with respect and sincerity.

Some closings you may find helpful include . . .

With deepest sympathy,

Sending you our sincere condolences,

Thinking of you,

7) Keep it honest and sincere.

If you can only say a few words that's okay. Some of the most heartfelt cards and notes are very short.

Do you know . . .?

Death of a loved one is among the highest stresses people face.

Seeing how your body responds to stress can be helpful in learning how to change your response to negative emotions.

Have you heard about HeartMath's Personal Stress Reliever ?

It's a unique program that helps you see how your body reacts to stress and offers drug-free solutions. Check it out now by clicking here .

May you have a safe caregiving journey . . .good health . . .and happiness,

Dr. Ina

Caregiving With Purpose

Disclaimer :

The information on this website is for educational purposes only. It does not replace information or recommendations from your own physician or other health care provider. This site does not advocate medical or other health-related self-care, and encourages you to obtain advice from your own personal physician or other health care provider.

This web site is not intended to replace medical, financial, legal, or any other professional advice. Please use your own good judgment and consult with your own professionals before applying any ideas found within this website.

Disclosure :

I may have a marketing connection to a brand, topic or product listed on this website. Through the use of affiliate links contained herein, I may collect fees from purchases made.

cmp.ly/5/kf4rlc