Today I wrote this blog post on “The Knitting Yarn.” It has to do with overcoming grief in a way you might not expect.  What Do Inspirational Quotations and Butterflies and Lantana Bushes Have in Common?  Wondering how inspirational quotations, butterflies and lantana bushes are connected? One of the best — maybe the best — plants to attract butterflies is the lantana bush. Its blossoms are often two colors, and vary in color even on the same plant. It likes well-drained soil, and once established doesn’t need a lot of care. I have one in my back yard. Last year my sister rescued... (Read More ...)

If you’ve ever written a sympathy note or card, you know what it’s like to sit and ponder your words. Even more than weighing your words before speaking, wondering what to say in a sympathy card can be a problem. As a compassionate person, you know it’s stressful for the family.  And you don’t want to add to their pain.  Intentional or not misplaced words can hurt both you and the bereaved. And the process of finding the right words reminds me of sand spurs.  Why?  Because it’s less painful  to avoid saying the wrong thing, just like it’s less painful to... (Read More ...)

When struggling for what to say in a sympathy card is humor the answer? Laughter can be a coping mechanism to deal with deep emotional pain. As part of my eighth grade history class we listened to audio recordings of the Nuremberg Trials. To me it was a sad serious time.  From the back of the class giggles erupted. Oh, not from the girls.  Who then?  The boys including some big strong athletes. Eventually the teacher stopped the presentation asking if anyone knew what was funny.  When no one volunteered any information, he offered his own explanation. He explained that sometimes when we are... (Read More ...)

One of the hardest things to know is what to say in a sympathy card. Writing a card is hard when you’re upset or grieving.  Or maybe you’re in shock from an unexpected loss. When I practiced medicine, sometimes the office sent a sympathy card to grieving family members.  Knowing what to say was often hard. It can be challenging to know what to say without offending anyone.  You know what? It’s important to do it anyway.  You’re offering comfort to a grieving person.  And sometimes that’s all you can do. A sympathy card is often thought of as old fashioned or just... (Read More ...)

When someone dies, it’s often difficult to know what to say in a sympathy card to the family. And do you say anything different to the primary caregiver? Well, there may be a closeness between the caregiver and the departed that isn’t there with other family members.  It’s also likely the caregiver is emotionally and physically exhausted from caregiving. When my parents passed, we received many cards and letters. And I learned things about my parents I’d never known.  But it didn’t really surprise me to know they’d done nice things for people quietly and without... (Read More ...)

Today the U.S. observes Memorial Day. In many areas it’s not so much a celebration as it is a way to honor those who’ve passed.  Started after or around the Civil War, traditionally Memorial Day honors fallen servicemen and women. Oh sure, there are picnics and parades and marching bands in some areas.  It’s also a time to place flags or flowers on graves in cemeteries.  And to solemnly remember those who paid the ultimate price for freedom. When I was a child, each year the local paper ran a story on historic Boalsburg, Pennsylvania, and how it was home to Memorial Day. Until… One... (Read More ...)

  There’s often little or no formal caregiver training on what to do after someone passes. And knowing what to say in a sympathy card can feel like walking a minefield.  You want to express your sympathy while giving comfort to the bereaved and not offending. Are you also feeling guilty about surviving? Many caregivers do. Or maybe you’re just at a loss to know what to say or how to say it. It’s understandable—especially when you’ve never experienced the loss of someone close to you. I’ve seen grieving from both sides.  I’ve grieved as a professional caregiver and tried to... (Read More ...)

This week blossoms are bursting open in the flowering trees in this part of South Carolina. The long cold winter (for this area) seems to be ending.  And the promise of spring reminds me of an ancient Greek myth . . . The ancient Greeks explained the seasons of the year through the story of Persephone. Demeter, the goddess of agriculture, protected and adored her beautiful daughter Persephone. One day while picking flowers in a meadow, the earth opened up next to Persephone.  The god Hades, King of the Underworld, arrived in his chariot and kidnapped Persephone. He took her to the underworld... (Read More ...)

One of the most challenging parts of death for those left behind may be knowing how to comfort the grieving. It can be quite a minefield, treading carefully not to offend or hurt.  And sometimes you just don’t know what to say. I had that happen more than once.  Here’s what happened one time . . . When one of my patients died unexpectedly years ago, I went to the viewing. He was a special needs man whose mother adopted him when he was a child.  He was a kind gentle man, and his mother was very proud of all he did. I really didn’t know what to say, except to express my grief and... (Read More ...)

Writing sympathy cards can be difficult. Why?  Well often you may also be in shock from an unexpected death.  It’s hard to think when you’re grieving too. Plus it’s difficult dealing with people in pain and fresh grief. And sometimes you just don’t know what to say in a sympathy card. Let me share with you some of my experiences . . . I remember several sympathy cards that stood out. Some were touching and memorable.  A shared memory or two. Two of them were written by folks who credited my parents with making a difference in their lives — and the writers graciously... (Read More ...)