Are you worried about your elderly parents living by themselves? Wondering how to start talking to them about other arrangements?
Dreading having this conversation with your parents? Wondering if you’ll get any caregiving support from other family members?
The uncertainty is without a doubt adding to your caregiver stress.
You’re not alone.
When Bob and Nellie’s adult children realized they were becoming too frail to stay alone in their rural farmhouse, they wondered how best to address the situation.
Both Bob and Nellie were fiercely independent into their 80s. Nellie loved to knit. After nearly 60 years of marriage, she finally had a knitting room to store her yarn and knitting tools. And had no interest in giving it up.
Their family now did many of the chores that Bob used to do, including mowing and snow removal. Their beloved cows were sold a few years ago. Many of their fields were rented by other farmers.
Still, their children hesitated talking to them directly. Yet they knew they needed to do it. And sooner would be better than later.
How do you approach the subject of moving your parents into assisted living?
It makes sense that there’s no one solution fitting everyone. You need to tailor the approach to your individual situation with your family.
Some general guidelines include…
- Your parents are adults and need to be treated as adults. Often giving them options is better received than advice. Make sure they feel they’re involved in the decision.
- The family should all be united. Rather than ganging up on your elderly parents, this is deciding how to approach your parents and what to say. When there’s agreement, each family member contributes, reducing the caregiver stress.
One of the biggest challenges may be getting all your siblings on the same page. Those who see your parents infrequently may not realize how frail they’ve become recently.
- Be kind and gentle. Your parents may need some time to adjust to the idea. Rather than coming in with a decision already made, often the slow approach works best. Of course that’s assuming you have time for the slow approach, and it’s not urgent they move yesterday.
Often giving them time to consider the options and possibly come to the same conclusion is much better. As a young adult, a wise man taught me that it doesn’t matter who takes the credit as long as the job gets done.
And if it allows your parents to keep some of their independence or dignity in saying they made the decision, why not?
- Phrase things in ways your parents understand best. Here’s a great place to customize your approach to your parents.
Is your dad a retired businessman? How about writing out the pros and cons like a business plan?
Is your mother the family caregiver? Maybe she’d respond to helping ease your worries about her.
- Put yourself in your parents’ shoes. Talk to them about their concerns and fears. Take the time to understand and acknowledge their fears and concerns.
They may fear losing their independence. Or maybe they think you and their doctor are hiding something from them. Or maybe someone they knew and loved had a bad experience in a nursing home.
- Be flexible whenever possible. Maybe your parents have a suggestion that just might work. Or maybe it’s a temporary solution, one givng you some time to make more permanent arrangements.
- Remember to go slowly and keep your sense of humor. Often this is not an easy discussion for you or your parents. And tempers flaring increases the caregiver stress and overall strain of the situation.
When time allows the gentle approach is often effective.
These guidelines can give you some ideas about how to approach your parents about moving into assisted living.
Now that you’ve considered how to approach your parents, wondering how to get more information?
Here’s a FREE Senior Living Guide for options in your local area. Just click on this link for more information.
Can’t see the link? Then just copy and paste this web address (URL) into your browser…
It’s a great way to start looking at your options! And reducing your caregiver stress.
Speaking of caregiver stress…
Are you feeling overwhelmed and stressed from caregiver stress?
Do you know there are three mistakes commonly made that you can avoid to decrease your stress? And they work now, not just over the long term.
For more information on how to reduce your stress and overwhelm, click on this link.
Don’t see the link? Then just copy and paste this web address (URL) into your browser.
Why wait? Start decreasing your caregiver stress today!
And remember to
- Laugh loud…
- Laugh long and…
- Laugh often because Healthy Humor Helps! 😀
To your healthy caregiving,
The information on this website is for educational purposes only. It does not replace information or recommendations from your own physician or other health care provider. This site does not advocate medical or other health-related self-care, and encourages you to obtain advice from your own personal physician or other health care provider.
This web site is not intended to replace medical, financial, legal, or any other professional advice. Please use your own good judgment and consult with your own professionals before applying any ideas found within this website.